it's raining!

edit: The first thing I would like to say is this -

If you can hear this rain, I hope it makes you smile.
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Maybe I am too easily moved? Maybe the pull of the moon, the heat of the sun, the feel of cold wind on my cheeks and the sound of rain dripping in gutters - maybe all of it means too much to me.

I think that's okay.

I just finished my bath, blew my nose as clear as I could (could have sworn some brain came out). I've caught whatever bug is floating around these days, but I am recovering. My legs are sore from this weekend, I danced. I danced so much I started to scare myself, "How am I doing this? How did I do that?! That was cool! This feels good! I'm gonna try that again! That was cool! How did I do that?" It's fun. Lately, I've been feeling like I've been growing into my own skin. When I hear music, I want to dance. I had this moment- dancing on that floor with people around me, but moving for no one but myself - I figure I should try to apply that everywhere. If I could just figure out how to get myself to move through life that way. But when it comes to living, I never seem to be able to move.

I'm sitting in the tub, water drained, listening to the rain.

It's Tuesday. I feel like I am on a cusp, I am staring ahead into the week and I have this kind of dread creeping in me. I can see where things might go wrong, things that might trigger another episode of depression (I really hate to use that word.) I would love to just stay right where I am, with the feeling I have right now. Calm. Clean.

I would love to not have work tomorrow, or ever again. Not because I really dislike my job, it's tedious but it isn't terrible. I would just love to spend my days reading, dancing, laughing, loving. Writing, drinking coffee. Yeah I know, all the fun parts. I know I need the tedium to give balance to my life. I know that when I had all the free time in the world, life lost it's flavor. Maybe what I miss is when Summer and Winter meant something more. Months of freedom to discover and play and grow. Yeah, I miss being a kid.

I like night time.

I like winter rain in Los Angeles.

At this moment I would love to call a certain person, but I wont - not because it's kind of late - but just because I know they would take it the wrong way. Oh well!