inebriation

our time together is ripe, dear heart
the time is ripe for you to strike
for you to hurt me

and if you don't, then
then i was wrong all along -
and you always loved me.



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images :

recent times -
new years - conversations about rape, shouted over festivities - what a strange and somber place to find myself. next to towering hedges - carefully picking my way through dog shit on a cold night.

dream images - carnivale, "remember, they may love death, but we love life" balconies, zombies. the hatch of the space station, the viewing port - breaking open and we try in vain to save our comrade.

a band from canada on rafters, middle school and a lunchtime concert. my first boyfriend doesn't remember who i am.


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and in real life, i see my ex with a girl i am not suprised to see. the moment i knew of her existence, i thought they would be good for eachother. i saw where they fit where he and i didn't. so i wasn't suprised tonight. i see him and turn away. truth be told, i am still disgusted with myself that i ever revealed so much to him. it was like baring my soul to a stranger, expecting to be loved for it.

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need to stop drinking so much!

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influence. bad. good.


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i am living my life---- who needs more?

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i love you.

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i am a bad friend.

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i need sleep, badly.

-e